Education for Self Esteem

The Lubavitcher Rebbe[i] used to distribute dollars for charity every Sunday in Brooklyn New York and during that time anyone could ask the Rebbe whatever was bothering them at the time. A certain teacher from California understood that the Rebbe had thousands of educational institutions around the world under him. He also knew that the Rebbe had dedicated many talks which he delivered about the fundamentals of teaching and that the American congress in 1978 established a day of “Education and Sharing” in honour of the Rebbe. The teacher knew that on the Sunday he was going to see the Rebbe there would be so many people coming that he would only have a few moments to ask a question. He decided to ask the Rebbe “for advice in Chinuch (education)”. The Rebbe answered three words - “build self esteem”.

Why is it self esteem important?

Education can take place at home, in class, at the office etc. Education from a teacher, parent or boss (in business) is not just about communicating ideas or sharing the knowledge how to figure something out. The one being taught, whether they are a child, university student or older needs to have something else given to them which will help them learn and develop their learning.

Self esteem is crucial for a student and its effect whilst during the learning process or after can have amazing effects. Unfortunately, when the self esteem is missing, it can cause the whole teaching process to be a waste of time.

When a student has a healthy dose of self esteem then they will comfortable in clarifying with their teacher or parent, the points which they do not understand. If the student gets something wrong when they have good self esteem they can go on to try again and not feel like a failure.

What would a lack of self esteem look like? Dr Melanie Fennel who works at Oxford University, in her book “overcoming low self esteem” (2009) paints a picture of an individual who lacks self confidence, self respect, self worth etc. When a student does not have an appropriate level of self esteem then they will not clarify the points that do not understand or fully grasp. This could lead to the student disengaging from the learning process and not achieving their learning potential. When feeling the proper level of self esteem the student will try and develop the ideas they learn and try to make them relevant (as much as they can) to their lives. A feeling of worthlessness will cause the student to remain stagnant in their personal growth and a lack of motivation to apply any new knowledge which they acquire.

The lack of self esteem caused from their formative years could translate later in life in the business world in a variety of ways which would cause the individual to miss reaching their potential or other unpleasant consequences. For example: In their business life they could be taught a procedure but not feel comfortable asking enough questions to have clarity of their job. Ultimately when the individual tries to put into practice what they have been taught, they might fail because of a lack of clarity. This would reflect badly on their character and relevance in the structure of the business. In addition to this an individual could lack the self confidence to apply their ideas in the work place and so miss out on potential opportunities to gain promotions in their firm.

How could education help self esteem?

Obviously the way that the teacher or instructor treats their students will affect the student’s self esteem. The more critical the teacher is, criticising in an uncaring fashion then the student can lose their feeling of self worth. The teacher on the other hand can help build the self esteem by using praise when the student does well and showing that they care about the individual student.

In addition to the above there is a very fundamental point which many educators gloss over in regards to teaching which will affect the self esteem of the student. The essential idea which a student needs to be aware of before learning and will affect their attitude towards learning is to understand why they are learning. When an individual has a moral purpose, then they need to have some knowledge of how to attain their goal. The knowledge in of itself is not the goal but a means to an end and the more the person understands, the closer they are of reaching their goal. The knowledge then will help the individual with feeling more confident and having a healthy feeling of self worth as they move towards a meaningful life.

An example of a purpose which a student could have would be to help the people around them live better lives. In order to achieve this purpose the individual themselves needs to be healthy, they also need to try and support themselves, so that they are not a burden on others. In order to support themselves and help others they might need certain qualifications from learning in a school etc. The learning at school then becomes a meaningful experience which builds self esteem and a feeling of self worth.

The teacher or instructor who is trying to transmit any knowledge needs to ensure that the people they are teaching can see a higher purpose in their learning. The learning of this knowledge will therefore help them achieve their goal.

When children are growing up or in university, the framework of the education needs to include teaching about the purpose of individuals. The purpose would need to include how each person has unique abilities and therefore has a responsibility to everyone else to use their talents for the good of themselves and everyone else. They also need to know that there is accountability for what they do or don’t do, as there is a higher power who is concerned that they achieve their best potential.

When someone feels they have a moral purpose then they will be more eager to reach their goal by learning and putting into practice what they have learnt. The person will feel their self worth increase as they attain a greater understanding of how to put into practice their goal. The learning itself is building their self esteem, causing the student to believe more in themselves and creating a self respect. The knowledge which they gain is seen as a means to an end and the individual understands that they have a deeper purpose even if they do not attain what others achieve.

On the other hand if the student has no moral purpose in their life then the knowledge that they gain is just self serving. The more the individual grasps then the more significant and valuable they feel, which when compared to others could cause feelings of bloated self importance and a denigrating attitude to those who do not understand as much as they do. If they are not able to grasp the ideas that are being taught then the actual learning experience can cause a decrease in self worth and self esteem.

It must also be pointed out that the teacher also needs to have a healthy level of self esteem and this is also included in the above answer of the Rebbe concerning education “build self esteem”. The teacher needs to work on their feelings of self worth in teaching their students. This does not mean building up an ego but realising (just as with their student) that they are doing an important job and they have the potential to reach the children they are teaching.

It is self evident that learning and the class environment is not the only cause for self esteem or lack of it but it is one of the main places which can help build a healthy self esteem for life. Nevertheless, if an individual does have a problem with self esteem or lack of self worth etc they should see a professional who with their therapeutic techniques can help the individual regain their feelings of worth.

The above article is a general structure for people but for specific problems a qualified therapist should be consulted.

Yitzchok Kaye BA, Pg. Dip., Msc is a trained, qualified Cognitive Behavioural Therapist, who also specializes in other therapies. He helps individuals and couples with their challenges and issues. He has been a practising therapist for a number of Counselling Organisations but now has his own private practice. He is available around the world via Skype. He can be contacted at Yitzkaye@gmail.com

[i] This account was told to the brother of Rabbi Yitzchok Klyne from Manchester (who I heard it from). Rabbi Klyne’s brother teaches at the same school in California who asked the Rebbe and heard it from the teacher himself.

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